watching the sunrise

the time i enjoy being in my bed the most is that short hour or so that my husband gets up for work.  no offense chad, its great to have a hunky man to snuggle on, but i sure do love to be able to stretch out, use either pillow, wrap myself like a burrito in the blankets...... i'm kind of in that half way between sleep and reality state that is ahhhh so grand.  kinda hard to make myself get up from this spot, it's MY spot, my most favorite time of my entire day, i'm pretty sure i deserve this moment, because when i wake up, i turn into an overworked, stressed out, disorganized, maniac of a woman, so i seriously believe that there is no harm to lying in my soft warm cocoon for every possible second.  i've turned it into an art i would say. i can actually warp my own schedule and re plan my entire day in that zen state of mind. i make allowances and talk myself into rearranging my morning rituals to give myself even a measly 3 extra minutes.  you know, like, "oh, i don't have to take a shower now, i'll wait and take one after the kids go to school" or "i can let the kids sleep in, too.  we can just rush a little more today to make sure they get to school on time." or "i'll just pray right here, like this, god doesn't care where i am when i pray, he probably WANTS me to be able to enjoy my time right here in my bed" yep. excuses. i got 'em.
so this morning in particular, i decide, i'm gonna get up. yep. i'm going to get up at 6:15. (big sacrifice, i know, i HAVE to get up at 6:30) the sun is making the window glow orange, it was drawing me up out of the bed. i was anxious to check it out and maybe even grab a good photo. 
the sky today was intense. the sun was barely peeking up over the horizon, but the brilliant golden light from it was washing everything it touched.  a beautiful sight, i grabbed a photo, but it couldn't do justice for the beauty i could hardly believe was real. this kind of sunrise is unusual, for this odd brilliance of light to be so strong, and for a reason i suppose. from one side of my porch, the morning was glowing a butterscotch gold, from the other side of my porch, the sky was dark and overcast, a storm looming in the close distance.   i could see the divide in the sky, where the storm was touching the beautiful clear morning. big heavy raindrops began to spot the deck as i watched the darkness squelch the light.  it was amazing to see how the sun kept rising, even though every second the storm got closer and the sky got darker.  the brilliant light was now gone, but until the grey clouds had completely engulfed my point of view, i could still see that ball of red sun slowly inching up into the sky.
nature is like that.  the sun rises every single day. every single morning, we can know that no matter what, the sun will always rise. 
so now, hours later, it's light out, but not bright, the entire sky is grey.  the sun isn't visible, i'd say it's not even out.  i can't see it, no one around can see it, so it's not there, right?  if you've ever flown on an overcast day, you know that as soon as you get through the clouds, the sun is there. bright and shining, so much so that you couldn't dare look at it without burning your eyeballs out.  when that plane cuts through the layer of clouds, and you fly above them, it's a perfect sunny day. the clouds are below, like a thick heavy blanket, you can't see the ground below you, only a cottony floor.  above the clouds, is sunny, below the clouds is grey, rainy, chilly, yucky.  in knowing this, i realize that above this rainy sky i see, is a layer of clouds, and above those clouds, is the sun. shining and glowing like a champ. doing it's job no matter if i can see it or not.  it's helpful to me also that i got to see it rise this morning. so i know it's there. just like it was yesterday, and the day before.  just like it will be there tomorrow.  i'm glad i got out of bed early this morning.  i'm glad i got to sneak a peek at the sun before the clouds rolled in and hid it from me.  if i wouldn't have chosen to roll out of my cozy nest, i would have missed it and lived away this whole day grumbling about the sun being gone.  amazing how that short 15 minutes of my day has changed the way i'll live the rest of the minutes i'll be awake.
i could just fumble around and wish the hours away until i can get back in my bed, or i can be motivated and live this day as it was intended for me, helping people, being a good steward in my home, thanking god for my life.  even though i could easily chalk this cloudy may 23rd up as a loss, i need to realize that god is in control, he, like that sun, is glowing and shining, doing his job, even though im not really looking at him to see him doing it.  the thick layer of grey that i have put between he and i may mask his glory, but if i can reach up and punch holes through that cover and let the sun shine through, his beams of warm light will guide me, keep me energized, keep me on task.  remind me of his love for me and that i have a purpose here. 
just knowing he is there can sometimes be enough, but the only real way to allow jesus to be in control is to have an active relationship with him.  and that is the key to a satisfied life, it's so simple. all we have to do is read the bible and pray. pray for real. that means, just talking to god. like you would call your best friend.  tell him everything, like how your kids sassy mouth gets on your nerves, like how your messy house makes you crazy, like how your gramma is old and falling apart and how that makes you feel. like how your friend is dieing of cancer and that you are expecting a miracle.  like how your bank account is empty and theres bills to pay and glasses and braces and food to buy.  like how beautiful the flowers are in your yard and how happy and blessed you are that your kids are healthy, and happy. praying to tell him whats' on your heart, to thank him for what makes you happy and to grovel at his feet for what makes you ache.  and reading the bible so that we can know what is real, what is right, what we need to do as reactions and actions. 
the best time to read our bible and to pray to him is first thing in the morning, before we do anything else.  every moment i spend curled up in my happy bedtime place is a moment that i refuse to spend with jesus. if i've been alive for 100 sunrises, i've only gotten to see 3 of them because i refused to get up and look.  the sun has been there for every single one.  even the million that happened before i was alive.  its my choice to see the sun, to praise my maker.  its my decision whether i get up and witness the sunrise, to have my special time with jesus, or just lay in my bed.  i'm the one that makes the decision to let a grey sky dictate how my day will go or if i can peer through the clouds and know the sun is bright and real and allow that light to permeate me regardless of if it's visible or not.  god chose me, but i have to choose him back.  it's not easy.  waking up earlier than i have to is lame.  reading the bible can be boring and sometimes i get nothing out of it.  praying can become routine and mundane, especially when i feel like he can't hear me, or just doesn't care.  the grey days of a christ follower are ridiculously painful, and unfortunatley, inevitable.  but we can't let a gloriously comfortable bed or a thick layer of menecing clouds keep us in the grey. we have to make the effort.  we have to have our special, most favorite time of our days be the time we spend with jesus.  the time we watch the sun rise.  that time, however brief or drawn out, will change the way we think, the way we feel, the way we live.  the distraction free time we spend with him is well spent. it will improve us, it will empower us, it will satisfy us.  i speak from experience, the days i get up at 5 am and pour over scriptures and ramble on in prayer to my papa are days that glorious. even in suffering, i can rejoice on those days.  but the days i just roll over and shrug off the sunrise... those are the days that are riddled with crap.  crap i dont make wise decisions about.  running my mouth, hollering and carrying on, gossiping, whining, complaining, wallering in self pity, grumbling.... all those actions make for terrible reactions.  granted, im not a saint of my "mornings with jesus" days, but i am telling the truth that those days are better.  like a good cup of coffee can make my day run smoother, a little bit of bible and jesus face time can do the same. 
so tonight, before i go to bed, i'm going to pray that i will have to pee like a racehorse at 5 am, so i will HAVE to get up.  then i wont have an excuse. no matter how cozy by beddy bye will be.