the newly born

so ive been blogging in my head for years now and after finally sitting down and surfing this web and being inspired by others, it seems only right to write it all down.
its all just based on my what's inside me and what it all means.  what it means to me and to my family and to my community and to my world.
when im driving down the road and streaming thoughts rush through my mind and i dont know what it means but it makes perfect sense and im sure that it would sound great if i said it out loud.
when im watching my kids run through my messy house and am not sure if i want to join in the squealing childlike bliss, send them to their rooms, or just drive away.
when i see myself in the small waist high mirror in my bathroom and wonder how i got to look like this and if im too old for pink hair and a bikini.
when im at the grocery and my mouth waters for greek yogurt and foreign cheese and the big round crackers that appear to be gourmet and the exotic fruits and fancy olives and panko crumbs and raspberry vinaigrette in the actual glass bottles... but what ends up in the cart is boxes of store brand products like mac n cheese and tortillas and spaghetti sauce.
when that said cart is the engine to the crazy train of ridiculously loud and completely ridiculous and the caboose is the most unexplainable 4 year old in the history of the world.
when i cant even try to control the urge to pull over on the street side and take pictures of the clouds, because they have never been this gorgeous and for sure, will never be again.
when the day that im living makes me wonder why im here, how a soul can feel such anguish, and what a broken mess i am.
when the day that i am living makes me feel like i could fly through the sky and squeal with delight that this day was made for me and what a tiny humble human i really am to have the sheer intense blessing and joy to be given another morning to wake up and enjoy.
when all the people i love the most are in their beds and the house is quiet and i can shamelessly scour etsy and window shop to my hearts content with no distractions.  or edit photos of beautiful people till i am so proud my smile could break my face.  or veg on my super enveloping denim couch and watch silliness on tv that makes me forget what time it is.
or when i have interruptions like my young children in the kitchen making their own lunches and arguing the entire time over things that dont even make sense but loving it because time flys and soon they will all be gone, in their own lives in the their own houses, with their own stories and dreams.
when i know that my life is an effect of love.
when i know that my life is affected by love.
when the time is right to give birth to a blog.