happy tree

taking a mini vacation for me means driving to the super walmart 30 miles away while the littles are at school.  lame.  me, alone in my salty dirt crusted sleathy black ninja van. fantastical.  i took said vacation the other day, and rather than chatting on the phone the entire time, i chose to jam out to some tunes. well, i can't hardly bring myself to change the channel from my beloved klove, although fist pumping "tie you to the bed and set this house on fire" eminem song would have been so awesome.  so, being the holy and righteous woman of god that i am, i just left the radio tuned in to scott and kelly in the morning.  i've been all blahhh lately, well, not lately, always. i AM the emo mother.  so any chance i get for a little soul smile, i GOTTA take it.  come on god, hook me up through some song on the radio.
so im driving and the music is on and im just looking around at the ridiculous bland and downright depressing landscapes.  brown, grey, chilly, wet, lifeless, boring, mundane, predictable.... even though i am driving a road i rarley travel and the scenery is a bit different that what i see everyday, i know every turn on the road, every time i reach the horizon, every next mile, i'm gonna see the same thing. stupid ugly winter world.  snowless, i might add, because at least snow adds a sparkling beauty to a stale outdoors.
i guess this kind of surrounding can make a person even more emo.  so im driving along just trying to think about the fabric i'm gonna get for the apron on my mind. doo dee doo dee doo........
so then, this song comes on the radio that i LOVE.  mercy me, who nevers fails to deliver a song bursting with praise that sucks me in every time... you know the one, "all of creation, sing with me now, fill up the heavens let his glory resound"  you know the one???
so instantly, the holy spirit floods me and i am singing in the loudest dieing animal singing voice i can muster and i am scanning the passing scenery trying to find the creation worshipping him.  where is it? where is that spot that i can see the rocks crying out? i can't find it, and i must admit, i was starting to feel a little freaked out that i was worshipping harder than the stupid trees. 
then it hit me.
wait a minute now. why was i looking for a bright delicate flower blooming on the side of the road amidst the rocks and dirt and dead grass? why was i searching the bare limbs of the naked trees for a telltale sign of immaculate creation?  hey trees, i see you. i see you just the way you are.
i see the branches all lifting straight up to the sky as high as they can go, like they are reaching up to the heavens.  i see them all in unison, they are all doing the same thing, side by side, those branches, just reaching up.  the wind can push them and pull them, but they stay upright, swaying a bit, but steadily reaching.  i can see through the branches, i can see the trees behind them, i can see the sky through them, i can see so much further past them since there are no leaves blocking my view.
i see it. i see creation worshipping.  wow, i love it.
what about me then, i thought. when i am stripped to a skeleton and feel cold and lifeless and dead, do i keep my arms outstretched? do i keep my hands lifted up as high as they can reach??? um, that would have to be a big no.  i do not.  i hunker down in my whiney baby depression and convince myself that i am alone, that i am worthless, that i suck.  i'm stupid. no, really, i am stupid. none of that is even true.  in my husband and friends alone i am not alone and i am not worthless and maybe i suck to them, but mostly they tell me that i am awesome and that they love me and that i make cool stuff, so i should probably stop being so emo.  (why do i keep saying emo. pretty sure it isn't giving me cool points... )
so anyway, more than my friends or family could love me and comfort me, god is so much bigger than them and he loves me waaaay more. if i was the only person ever to be born, he still would have endured unfathomable suffering to die for me.  top that friend.  so why do let myself feel like a leafless tree so often.
so i think, if im a winter time tree, i have to be a summer time tree, too, right? well sure.
so here's the extreme symbolism that i enjoy so much.
people are trees.
in the summer time, or pleasant, happy times of our lives, we are full of shiny green leaves. our branches are heavy with fruit and blossoms and we cast a huge shadow with dots of dancing sun peeping through.we are beautiful, and everyone wants to be like us because we raise property value and we look really nice, i mean, a perfect tree is an awesome sight.  (how cool would it be to live in florida as a tree where we never have to go through autumn and have our leaves die on us and be pillaged by the wind as it rips the leaves right off us.  and especially in the winter when we have to just stand there all naked and exposed and no way to even have dignity through it all. although, in florida, they have hurricanes and i have seen palm trees with the entire tops just ripped off.... ouch) how easy is it though to just be satisfied by your lush summer branches.  seems like a summer tree doesn't need anything else because they have it all already. 
i admire the winter tree.  i think it is easier to see jesus in a winter tree.  see, me as a winter tree seeks jesus harder.  when i am at my lowest and feel vulnerable, that's when i shoudl be rushing to jesus harder. when all the happy green leaves are ripped off me, and my very inside parts are just there, showing, i need to be sure that my branches are lifted up as high as they can go, that my hands are reaching up up up to him.  and through my agony, the other trees can see right through me, they can see the sky on the other side. me not letting the winds of my trials rape the branches right off me, but just be strong and let those tough times just make me sway in their blowing.
so here i am. a skeleton tree.  with my arms lifted high and praise on my lips.  my roots run deep and strong in the rich soil of my god.  my strong trunk sturdy and supported by my jesus. my branches being held up by the power of the holy spirit.  i can not be shaken, i can not be pushed down.  you may have to strain your eyes to see the beauty in me,  but when you find it, it is only that of a reflection of the love of my father as he cradles me against his chest.
im a happy tree.